trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
