isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
