I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
