New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
