we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
