dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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