one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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