dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
