Is it normal to miss your booty call?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
