I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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