PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
