I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
