you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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