took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
