remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
