He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I've blown a few things in my day
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
