in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Shame is for Republicans.
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