So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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