im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
