on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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