Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So squirting runs in the family.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
