Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
