get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You are the jesus of drinking
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
