Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
