wat bout pragnant strippers??
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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