how hairy? two words: wookie tits
where does the pee come out of this thing
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
