New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
