Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
