Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
