remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
