the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
