She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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