I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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