I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
