You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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