She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
false alarm, still single
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
