I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
