Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
