I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
