I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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