LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
