theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
