need another drink. this is the easiest way
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
