remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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