I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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