his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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