Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
