Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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