I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
