Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
