There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She bit a glass in half.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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