God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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